Life As A Diabetic Cyborg With Multiple Sclerosis And Money Issues
Please insert insulin and Copaxone
As I discussed the last few weeks, I have an “artificial pancreas,” or an insulin pump. My daily life is a process where I see how much insulin my body requires. This last week was as good as the week before. My management of my diabetes had an estimated A1C of 6.1 and kept my Blood Glucose (BG) “in range” between 70 and 180 for 95% of the week. I seem to be managing my hypoglycemic episodes in the mornings. I still dip some around 2 hours after eating, but it is not bad enough to go hypoglycemic.
Further adjustments are needed to the carb ratio and my actions to not overreact to low BGs the CGM shows after my morning meal. I just have issues with ignoring the readings when they hit the 80s and I have active insulin in my body. I have too many memories of the hypoglycemia episode on January 21 that landed me in the ER. The desire not to do that again, regretfully, leads to overreacting every time.
The “distressing news” I got about my Copaxone for my multiple sclerosis has worked out in the end. I had to fill out extra paper work, submit my 2017 1040EZ and a copy of my BCBSTX insurance card for new co-pay aid. Then, the next day I had to call the pharmacy to make sure they knew it was a different process with the other co-pay help. It’s apparently a “manual,” “by hand” process for the new assistance. Whatever that might entail. The one I had before is used like credit or debit card when the pharmacy fills my Copaxone prescription. I called on Tuesday and scheduled my March order to arrive on Wednesday. It is ironic that I originally had ordered it to arrive then. That call to get my Copaxone for March set the entire drama of getting more aid for the copay in motion and lead to the need for more aid.
This just renews my unabashed optimism that fights and asks if there is anything you can do for me. I’ve learned from my time in academia that I often get what I want if I throw myself at someone’s mercy. In my life, people are more likely to help if I make it clear that I am at a loss of what to do. I just ask for help in the kindest way possible. They can usually offer a helping suggestion of what to do next if they cannot give direct assistance.
I have the feeling that everything will be good for me in life eventually. Things are not great and they can always be better, but I am here and alive and surviving. Yes, it does take a monumental effort and the constant reframe of optimism, but I am okay right now. I just hold tight to my unshakeable hope that I will persevere no matter no matter how bleak things appear in the moment. I have fallen from great heights and failed at many things I set out to accomplish. Yet, I always get up and collect myself to learn from what happened and soldier on.
I failed my comprehensive exams for my Master of Arts in History the first time I took them. The problem with the first time I took the exam was that it was during the semester when I had 9 hours of classes to worry about. I almost had to decide whether I wanted to pass my classes or the exam. So, I passed my classes and retook the exam in the summer and gathered as much advice and help as I could. I asked for help and did all I could to practice the exams. I was filled with anxiety and terror the first time. I was way calmer on the retakes. I had the essays I wrote memorized and wrote them as best I could. In fact, I think I even finished it early.
I am comfortable with people questioning if I am naive or reckless for trusting that hopes can lead to a good or at least tolerable end, but that is okay with me. I am not a religious person. However, I do have faith in good things can happen to good people. That is one reason I strive to be kind and generous to all. I’m just a guy that tries to get by with two chronic illnesses. I will not judge you for that, since I don’t want you to judge me for my actions. Getting an insulin pump and the financial help with the Copaxone is proof of good things happening at least to me. I don’t know if I am “good people,” but I do try to be kind at all times and exude optimism.
Next week, I have another therapist appointment and an eye exam in Kilgore. The previous eye exam was the first since my MS diagnosis. I can’t perceive any new loss of vision, but I’ll see if the exam has anything to say about that. I remain hopeful about the outcome.
